Ramblings of a lonely fat girl

I just dont understand. I am 23 years old. I have never been on a legit date. I dont count the internet date I had with a guy who was nice, but im pretty sure had tourettes and no goals in life. I have goals. I have ambition. I would make a great girlfriend for someone. I dont think I ask too much. I cook. I want to clean. I want to provide. What I dont know is the why. I have a firm frim belief in God. I know he doesnt want me to be alone. It is the human nature in me that doubts. I can usually quash it, but not tonight apparently. I get these rants. Tonight is another round I suppose. My heart litterally aches. How is it possible to have a broken heart without ever having love first? I want to be greatful. I am so blessed. I love my job, my friends, my family. I have never known true trials. But I still have the need to whine. Sorry blogspot but you are the innocent bistander to my pain. I just want to know that some guy will touch me, love me. All my friends are getting married. Is a kiss just too much to ask for me? They all say "when you least expect it" when you stop looking. But what have I really been doing to look? I mean I dont date, I dont know any guys. Guys dont look at me. They look past me. I have never ever felt like a girl from a guys look. I dismissed it was juvenile guys in high school. Blamed the lack of variety in my small branch of college. Accounted that all the pairs had been made come junior year of college. That I was surrounded by all girls in my nursing classes. How many excuses can one girl make? I am now in our nations capital and I still cannot get one single guy to be interested in me. I am a girl who wants a nice guy. I want that romatic courtship. That magical wedding. That first time on our wedding night. I want kids. I want vacations with my friends and their families. I want to give my parents grandkids. I want all of this. Again this brings me back to why? Why am I laying here. Alone. Aching. With no one to call except my sister and friends who have all heard these same rants before. I dont want a skeevy guy in a bar. I dont want to be a 40 year old virgin. I dont like this, at all. OK im done for now. Thanks for listening.

thoughts overriding

this blog was an assignment for a class that i took mainly as a joke, and probably did not understand the full impact of. i am aware, however, the importance of a forum to let thoughts flow when one must unleash them and because i do not have a magic basin in which to store them i must keep an account of them somewhere. this weekend was a myriad of things that left me with no real conclusion and in the same place i always seem to come to. that if my life was left up to me, i would be an utterly miserable wreck, and thankfully God does override what happens to me. I just cant imagine what would come of me if i couldnt come back to this place. over and over again i return to the newsboys lyrics that help to get me through my day


those of you here without the Lord, how do you cope?